15 June 2010

A funny thing happend to me...The JEEP!

Yea you heard right! I definetly used to drive a Jeep Wrangler.  That's right, I am tough and rugged, no sensitive sissy girl here. I can 4-wheel and mud with the best of 'em. No redneck stood a chance when I was in my Jeep...
OK so maybe I am exaggerating a tiny bit.  I have been slightly sensitive once or twice in my life, and I don't like to clean mud out of my hair let alone have any idea how to wash a car.  But still I drove a white "clueless" Jeep for like 5+ years buddy. 
I do beleive my dad purchased this particular vehicle for me to prevent anymore wrecks from happening.  I liked to hit other cars appearantly, told you I am tough and rugged!  Over the years there wasn't much to stand in our way, we made quite the team that  ol' Jeep and I! 

A few tiny incidents do come to mind, however. 

Like when I was supposed to be yeilding to get on I-40, instead I ran over the yield sign.  I just thought it should know who is BOSS, and I appearantly meant business.

 I believe that same sign now is sporting one of those iron cages for intimidation and has grown roots of concrete, so not to look like a pansy getting knowcked down by a girl!

And more than likely in the same week, I ran over a couple of those giant orange cylinders in a construction zone on my way to work, but in my defense there was a giant truck trying to invade my space.  So I beat up the cones to scare the giant truck away.  It worked, too.

The most shining moment me and the Jeep shared was not even our fault.  I lived in Denton when I was 19, because I attended TWU...another story for another time!  I drove home every single weekend, literally...but this incident just had to occur on my birthday.  On the way out of Denton I stopped at Chicken Express for some yummy! sweet tea, and maybe some chicken strips with gravy...don't judge I wasn't aware of heart attacks at the time. 
Moving right along, I was be-boppin along I-35N around Pauls Valley so I had been on the road a good hour to hour and a half.  I may or may not have been speeding at some point during the excursion.  There was a semi pulling a flat bed trailer loaded with one measily little bumper.  We had been acting like nascar drivers passing and pacing with each other for awhile.  (I learned that having a companion on the road made it more enjoyable) 
Next thing I know I am swerving and hearing cracking.  Yes I swerved in a Jeep, but I was lucky and didn't die, so get over it.  I was terrified.  I pulled off at the next exit, the only thing I remember was having no idea where I was but the sign said airport.  The semi exited at the same time....can you guess what's running through my mind??

"OMG, I am totally about to get kidnapped by a scary truck driver...Where's my cell phone???"

In sheer insanity mode by this point, I chose to quickly glance at the exterior of my car, assuming if something flew at the Jeep it would hit the front end, DUH!?!? 

No damage, hallelujah.

I jumped back in the trusty ol' Jeep and sped off never to see the scary ax murderer of a truck driver again. 

When I got to my parents house I went inside and told a short version of what had happend, and may have said that something hit another vehicle instead of mine.  I don't like drama, ya know? 

The next morning we were heading out to a cat funeral.  Yea I said it a cat funeral, you gotta problem with that?? I'm just so cool I attend funerals for cats on my 19th birthday, so shut your mouth.

My dad stopped dead in his track and looked back at me,"Allyson,(uh-oh he means business) what happend to your fender?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..." I was being honest.  Then I saw it, that dang ol' trucker had let his bumper rip off my baby Jeep's back fender.  How rude?!

Later, that day I may or may not have noticed the perfect circle made of white gravy with a few drip lines running down the passenger window.  GROSS, so I chose to ignore it...cause I am wise.

This leads me to why this story has never left my pretty little head.  The first, yes very FIRST time I ever met J's family, the first thing his sister, Jeniva*, said to me was not," Hi nice to meet you, I love you hair, where'd you get that shirt??" ,instead she insisted on knowing why I was missing a fender.  In utter embarrassment I managed to tell my story, to a room roaring with laughter, and pointing fingers if I didn't know better that would have been the start to my stand-up comedian career.

I am forever scarred and she  just won't drop it, I had to release my grudge because I wanted marry my hunk of a man.  Yet, she still lets it live on...gosh it's like she's never met anyone else that lost a fender.

I let my Jeep live without a fender for a couple of years I guess, I just noticed one day it had been replaced.  I figured my super Jeep had grown a new one or something. The gravy was eventually washed awway some boy at some time decided it wouldn't be too painstaking to remove the crusty white circle.  Thank you whomever you are!

*names have been changed to protect the identity of future Sister-In-Laws who laugh at innocent little girls.


  1. Jeniva?? Do I look like a Jeniva???? You crack me up!

  2. I totally think you look like a Jeniva...:)

  3. It took us hours to put that new fender on and detail that Jeep! Now jack wants a Jeep just like Auntie Ally's when he grows up! I with Jeni on this one Hilarious!